A few years ago, a guy friend of mine did something that made my stomach drop. He said something quite awful to another friend he had just started dating. And it was in a text too, so there was no fuzzy memory to blame, no benefit of the doubt. Several in my friend group saw the text together, and the reaction was instant: We can’t believe he said that. We don’t like him right now. That was my first reaction too. What a jerk! But then came a second reaction—quiet but still insistent: I...
14 days ago • 2 min read
This morning, I watched three episodes of a favorite series. I know. Not exactly the confession you'd expect from someone who studies happiness. But here's the thing: I have this morning routine I love. I wake up, make tea, write in my journal, read, exercise, tidy up. It's structured. It's productive. It makes every minute count. But this morning, I wasn't feeling it. So I pressed play and let myself off the hook for two hours. And it was wonderful. The Pleasure Paradox When people find out...
12 months ago • 3 min read
Welcome back to The Happiness Files, Reader, Many of us wonder: Is happiness really something I should focus on? After all, there are so many other goals: Doing well at work, improving our health, building financial security, being a good citizen, keeping up with family, and other daily responsibilities. Here’s the thing. Most of us grew up hearing the same message: Work hard, check the boxes, succeed… then you’ll be happy. But after more than two decades of research, I can tell you this...
about 1 year ago • 2 min read
Welcome back to The Happiness Files, Reader. A few months ago, I wrote about how spending money wisely—especially through practices like thrift—can make us happier. That newsletter focused on how to use money well. Today, I want to revisit the money question—one of the most talked-about questions in happiness research!—-from another angle: How much money do we really need to be happy? Because the truth is: Money does make a difference. But when it comes to our feelings about money, it's...
about 1 year ago • 4 min read
Hi Reader, Years ago, a friend of mine quietly told her partner she wanted to write a novel. He didn’t laugh. He didn’t brush her off or say “that’s nice, honey.” Instead, he rearranged their weekends so she’d have time to write. That simple gesture didn’t just help her finish the book. It made her feel seen. It made her feel loved. Psychologists have a beautiful name for this kind of support: The Michelangelo Effect. What is the Michelangelo Effect? Just as Michelangelo believed an angel was...
about 1 year ago • 2 min read
Hey Reader, You’ve probably seen the headlines: “This one habit will change your life.”“Do this for 5 minutes a day and you’ll be happier.” But the truth is, there’s no single habit or strategy that works for everyone. Happiness isn’t a prescription. It’s more like a personal recipe. What makes me happy might leave you feeling flat… or even uncomfortable. And that’s not just a nice idea—it’s what the science shows us. Research has consistently found that the most effective happiness...
about 1 year ago • 3 min read
Hey Reader, Have you ever had the urge to reach out to someone—maybe an old friend, a colleague, or a neighbor—but then talked yourself out of it? “I don’t wanna bother them.” “What if it’s awkward?” “They probably won’t even respond.” I’ve been there too. Last winter, I thought about texting a friend I hadn’t seen since before the pandemic. I hesitated. It felt random. But I hit send anyway. Her reply? “This made my whole day.” That tiny moment stuck with me. And it turns out, there’s...
about 1 year ago • 2 min read
Hey Reader, before we get into the science of how happiness "jumps" from person to person, I have an exciting announcement...🥁 I'll be a speaker at the TEDNext Conference this November in Atlanta, GA! It's a huge honor, and I can't wait to meet the other speakers. The event is November 9-11, and you can learn all about it here. And now that I think about it, sharing that happy news with you is kind of the perfect lead-in to today's topic. This week, I’m excited to share this newsletter with...
over 1 year ago • 3 min read
Hey Reader, With Mother’s Day and Father’s Day behind us, some of you might find yourselves thinking about a question that’s more complex than you might think: “Do children make us happier?” This isn’t just an academic question for me—I’m a mom of four. It’s a question that’s sparked lively debate among scholars, journalists, and parents alike. Even the research is mixed—some studies find that parents are happier than their childless peers, while others reach the opposite conclusion. So what...
over 1 year ago • 3 min read