What do you want your life to look like ten years from now, Reader?

When we think about the future, our minds often lean toward what could go wrong. (Psychologists call it the negativity bias.) That makes sense; worry is a way of protecting ourselves. But today, let’s try the flip side: What happens when things go right.

If your answer came out a little vague, you’re not alone. Most of us can describe our worries in vivid detail, while our hopes are blurry.

That’s where a writing exercise from my lab comes in. We started using it years ago, and it’s still one of my favorites.

Your Best Possible Self

I can’t take credit for this practice though. My colleague Laura King created it, and my grad students and I borrowed it.

You imagine yourself at some point in the future: One year from now, five, or ten. With my undergraduates, we usually go with ten. Imagine that everything has gone as well as it possibly could. You’ve worked hard, you’ve reached your goals, and your dreams have come true.

Then you write about it.

In Laura King’s original study, people did this for 20 minutes a day, four days in a row, and their mood improved compared to a control group. [1] Later, Ken Sheldon and I asked volunteers to keep practicing it over four weeks. They felt better than those who simply wrote about their daily lives, and our results suggested the exercise may be especially good for lifting a positive mood and keeping it up. [2]

Write about the road, too

The second important feature of the exercise is what turns it from daydreaming into something useful. You don’t only describe the finish line–you write about how you got there.

What did you do first? What did you have to learn? Who helped you along the way?

Your best possible self should feel hopeful and also possible. Picture a life you could realistically build, but don’t be afraid to stretch yourself into a life that feels a little unrealistic with how well it has gone.

When you do this, something unexpected starts to happen. Students often tell me, “I didn’t even know what my goals were until I wrote them down.”

I love hearing that. So many of us walk around with a vague wish for more: More confidence, more connection, more meaning. Putting it on paper forces us to get specific about what “more” actually means.

A quick note about the “on paper” part. You can write down the goals anywhere—notebook, app, whiteboard—but there’s something more real and tangible about writing them down on paper. For example, a recent study suggested that handwriting is better for learning, memory, and brain connectivity than typing or tapping (on your phone). [3]

When the goal is your own voice

Some of the most common goals I have seen over the years are about speaking up. Giving a talk, or sharing an idea in a meeting, or holding your ground in a hard conversation with a partner or a parent.

Many people feel they’re not assertive enough. I totally get that one myself! I used to be so shy that in college I forced myself to make at least one comment in every discussion section. It was really hard and uncomfortable, but I did it.

The “best possible self” exercise helps you take the big picture, best life, biggest goal version of yourself and bring it down to a small daily action. When people write out the path to their best possible self, the big goal breaks into baby steps. Suddenly they can see the first step, and then the second.

“Become a confident speaker” can feel overwhelming. “Say one thing in Tuesday’s meeting” is something you can do this week.

One caution: Keep your eyes on the future. If you catch yourself measuring today’s you against your ideal self and coming up short, step back. The point of the “best possible self” exercise is hope and direction, with a clear next step.

Try This

• Set aside 20 minutes and pick a time horizon: One, five, or ten years from now.
• Imagine everything has gone as well as it reasonably could. Write what your life looks like at work, at home, in your relationships, and with your health.
• Now write the path. What were the first three steps that got you there?
• Circle the very first step and do it this week.
• To go deeper, repeat the exercise a few days in a row, or once a week, focusing on a different part of your life each time.

If you try it, I’d love to hear what came up, especially if you discover a goal you didn’t know you had. Just hit reply.

Talk soon,
Sonja

P.S. Know someone else who would enjoy the Happiness Files? Forward this email or use this link to recommend it to a friend.

For the curious (research links):

[1] King, L. A. (2001). The health benefits of writing about life goals. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 27, 798–807.

[2] Sheldon, K. M., & Lyubomirsky, S. (2006). How to increase and sustain positive emotion: The effects of expressing gratitude and visualizing best possible selves. Journal of Positive Psychology, 1, 73–82.

[3] Van der Weel, F. R. R & Van der Meer, A.L.H. (2024). Handwriting but not typewriting leads to widespread brain connectivity: A high-density EEG study with implications for the classroom. Frontiers of Psychology, 14, 1219945.