Have we been doing gratitude wrong, Reader?

Most of us have heard that gratitude is good for us. Keeping a journal. Making a list. Counting our blessings. These simple practices have long been recommended as a science-backed path to happiness.

But a growing body of research suggests that how we express gratitude matters just as much as whether we express it at all.

A few years ago, we ran an experiment out of my lab that tested six types of gratitude activities, including the classic list-writing exercises made popular by books and apps.

The results surprised us: Not all forms of gratitude delivered equal benefits. Some had little to no effect. Others backfired slightly. One stood out as the clear winner.

Let’s break down what we learned.

Not all gratitude is created equal

In the study, we assigned 958 adults to complete one gratitude activity per day for one week. Participants were divided into six groups and given the following assignments:

1. Write a letter to someone you’re grateful for.
2. Write a letter about something you’re grateful for.
3. Make a list of the people you’re grateful for.
4. Make a list of the things or events you’re grateful for.
5. Make a list of anything you’re grateful for (no constraints).
6. Track your daily activities (without reflecting on gratitude).

What we found was clear: Long-form writing consistently outperformed short lists.

• The first group—writing a letter to a person you’re grateful for—showed the biggest boost in feelings of gratitude, positive emotions, and what psychologists call “elevation” (a warm, uplifted feeling that inspires connection with others).
• Interestingly, this group also reported higher levels of indebtedness—feeling obligated to reciprocate—which we see as a natural outcome of reflecting deeply on help received.
• List-writing, while easier and more common, showed no significant benefit unless it was completely unconstrained (group #5).

In short: Quick lists may be convenient, but meaningful writing is more powerful. [1]

Why longer works better

We believe the impact of long-form gratitude writing comes from several key differences:

• You process the experience more deeply: Instead of just naming the good, you’re unpacking why it mattered.
• You feel it more vividly: Writing about a meaningful person often brings up stronger emotions than listing generally good feelings.
• You make it more personal: Even if you never send the letter, writing to someone makes it feel more relational and connected.

Compare that to a list like: “my cat, coffee, my job, sunshine.” It’s not that those things don’t matter. But they don’t always shift your emotional state or perspective. They’re reminders, not reflections.

Should we ditch gratitude lists altogether?

I’m not ready to go that far. There may be times when short lists are helpful—especially as a quick habit-starter or as part of a longer program of personal change.

But if you want the emotional and psychological lift that gratitude is famous for, the evidence points to a different strategy: Take time, go deep, and make it personal.

If you're short on time or energy, an unconstrained list (where you choose your own focus and format) can still help. In our study, those participants reported more gratitude and positive emotion than the control group—though not as much as those who wrote letters. [1]

Try This

Set a timer for 10 minutes. Write a letter to someone who has helped, supported, or shaped you in a meaningful way. You don’t have to send it. Just write it as if you would.

Not sure where to start? Try these prompts:

1. What they did: Describe the moment in detail.
2. Why it mattered: Explain how it affected your life or mindset.
3. What you never said: Share what you’ve always meant to say but never have.

Quick note: Ever stared at a blank page while trying to write a gratitude letter? One of my current PhD students is testing whether using AI prompts and feedback can help people get past that mental block. If you’re interested in knowing more about the results of this on-going research, click reply and let me know!

If you’re feeling bold, consider actually sending the letter. But even if you don't, you'll likely notice a shift, and you might be surprised by how good it feels!

Stay grateful (the good kind),

Sonja

References