Hey Reader,

With Mother’s Day and Father’s Day behind us, some of you might find yourselves thinking about a question that’s more complex than you might think:

This isn’t just an academic question for me—I’m a mom of four. It’s a question that’s sparked lively debate among scholars, journalists, and parents alike. Even the research is mixed—some studies find that parents are happier than their childless peers, while others reach the opposite conclusion. So what gives?

That’s because parenthood is one of life’s biggest paradoxes. It offers us the most humbling and the happiest experiences we can ever have—often on the same day! The more meaningful question isn’t whether parents are more or less happy than those without children, but why and how being a parent influences well-being.

Survey says… (Family Feud voice) It’s Complicated

In 2014, I tackled this question with Katherine Nelson and Kostadin Kushlev. So what did we find?

Some parents are indeed less happy than nonparents. But only under particular circumstances—for example, when they're stressed by parenting, have money problems, don't sleep well, or are experiencing marriage troubles. When you think about it, a lot of life is that way, but parenting dials up the stress even more.

However, for certain types of parents (or during certain times of life), parenthood brings greater happiness, not less—for example, when their children provide more meaning to their lives, when they experience more positive emotions, confidence, and support as parents, and when they find parenthood to be a fulfilling role.

In other words, like any intense life experience, parenthood can be both deeply rewarding and deeply challenging.

4 Factors That Shape Your Happiness as a Parent

So what helps determine whether parenting feels like a gift or a grind? Our review pointed to a few key predictors:

1. Age and stage: Older parents tend to report greater well-being relative to younger ones—perhaps because they’re more emotionally and financially stable. Parenting often becomes more rewarding as children grow older, more independent, and you see the results of years of “effort.”
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2. Gender: Fathers often report greater well-being than men without children, but mothers and women without children report similar levels. Why? One reason may be that dads tend to spend more of their parenting time playing with their kids, while moms often take on more of the daily logistics and household responsibilities.
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3. Cultural values: In cultures that emphasize family and see parenthood as central to adult life, parents tend to be happier. The way society values parenting can have a big impact on how meaningful it feels.
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4. Support systems: It takes a village—and parents with strong networks of help and community experience greater well-being. When you distribute the mental and physical load of parenting among people you trust, you make things easier for yourself and give your child the benefit of different viewpoints.

Try This: 3 Ways to Find More Joy in Parenting

If you’re a parent—or planning to be—here are three research-backed ideas to help increase happiness along the way:

1. Zoom out: As the saying goes, when you’re a parent, the days are long, but the years are short. When the day-to-day feels chaotic, try to connect with the bigger picture. Raising children is a long journey that can pass faster than you think—and it becomes more meaningful the longer you’re in it.
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2. Seek support: No one parents well in isolation. Whether it’s swapping stories, sharing advice, or just being seen, connecting with others can help you feel like you’re not alone and to show up as the parent you want to be. It means even more when you can do this in person, but online groups help too.
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3. Make room for pleasure: Meaning is important, but so is joy! Make crafts with your kids. Play games. Be silly. Take breaks. Involve them in a "fun" workout (kids love burpees!). Find small moments of fun and lightness where you can. Remember that even in the most demanding seasons, these moments of happiness are important for your own well-being and for having a good relationship with your children.

The Big Idea

Parenting is neither a golden ticket to happiness nor a guarantee of misery. It’s a mix of good and tough stuff, full of stress, fun, and things that make life feel important.

This might seem obvious, but when life gets busy, it's easy to forget how special parenthood is. The question, "Will having kids make me happy?" isn’t a simple yes or no. But knowing how being a parent changes how you feel can help you enjoy the good times and to handle the hard times with confidence and grace.

Until next time,

Sonja

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Want to go deeper? Here's the study I referenced above.